“Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know before you learned it.”
Becoming Me: Leaving Old Beliefs Behind
I know people who had trauma in their childhood. I did not. I had a really great childhood. Wonderful, fun memories. A stable loving home. Maybe it left me naive about relationships which made me too trusting and assume that everyone was like me. I think I thought everyone had the same experience that I had.
Growing Through Challenges
My trauma, or challenge, as I feel that is a better word for me, happened later in life. I guess I never thought of it as trauma. That word strikes me as dramatic and big.
I guess being married to a narcissist will skew your thinking for a while. It probably was dramatic and big, but to me it’s just my life. Has it changed me? Yes. Am I still recovering? Always. But I am in a place where I feel good. I’m in a wonderful, loving and equal relationship. I feel a sense of peace in my life.
I don’t even know what I did to get here. I was angry for a while, until that was exhausting and I said enough, I can’t carry that around anymore.
Give Yourself Grace
They say that you grow through what you go through and I agree. Hopefully you learn from the experiences and face new challenges with a different perspective. Take what you went through and let it help you through the next thing.
I don’t necessarily like the word healing, for me. Healing implies there is something wrong with me. That I’m broken, and I don’t like broken either. I think about the way I talk to myself, change my words, maybe growing, changing, understanding and opening would be better.
If I had not gone through the challenges in my life, would I have been open to the life I have now? Maybe, maybe not.
Inner Struggle and Changing My Thoughts
I second guess myself all the time. I have that voice in my head that makes me question what I’m doing. (The by-product of living with the narcissist, and yes, I get to blame it on him, ha) And sometimes when others suggest that I should do something in a different way, when I know what I’m doing, that voice yells. Many times I do it the way they suggest, I know. I don’t like conflict either.
But when I get that feeling that pushes back, sometimes, I get mad. Then I think to myself, ‘you’re not the boss of me’. Sometimes I say it out loud (USUALLY in a joking manner). It feels childish, but somehow good.
Although when certain people tell me what to do, my immediate reaction is to want to do the opposite, even if it doesn’t make any sense to do the opposite. Why do I do that…I am a puzzle. I don’t follow through…usually.
Allowing Kindness In
I knew my current husband when we were younger, in high school. He was such a good person, a kind spirit. I think I was nice, but I don’t think I was ready for him. He had to go through his experiences and I had to go through mine to get to a place where we fit perfectly together. The most wonderful things came out of the most challenging time, my amazing boys, not boys anymore, but they will always be boys in my heart. My amazing step-daughters, son-in-laws and grandkids are the added bonus, an extra prize.
Choose Your Words, Find Your Positive Voice
I’ve talked about a lot of words I don’t like in this post, but if I change how I talk to myself and the words I use to think about myself it leads to a better point of view. Positivity.
So think of the words you use to describe yourself what you’re going through or went through. Maybe spin them around, look up some positive words, hey remember when you thought you’d never use a Thesaurus? Now’s your chance!
Give yourself some grace, and remember to be kind, especially to yourself.
What words do you say to yourself?
Do you speak to yourself with kindness? If not, can you change them? Feel free to share a thought, or ask a question. I’m always open to meaningful conversation.